The relationship between two people in love is not always straightforward and comfortable, and when it comes to marriage, everything sometimes becomes even more confused. Psychologists distinguish ten destructive habits that most often lead to divorce even the most influential couples.
Mistakes of spouses in marriage often lead to irreparable consequences. Sometimes even the slightest misunderstanding overgrows with insults, distrust, misunderstanding of the spouses and ultimately leads to the divorce process.
To avoid typical mistakes and not to destroy the fragile balance in the family, you need to know the typical mistakes that people tend to make and try not to commit them. And the advice of psychologists will help you understand yourself, your family atmosphere and prevent the family from falling apart.
Try to figure out and test yourself and your soul mate by these habits.
Let’s break down habits because of which couples have a huge chance to get divorced.
Too much criticism
Marital relations are based on the ability of two people to negotiate, to adapt to each other, and to support a loved one under challenging situations. Too many criticisms of each other mean that something is wrong in the relationship. It is necessary to learn how to get away from the negative, from the stinging remarks, from the desire to express their point of view and to show the rightness at the moment when the spouse is so bad. To be kinder, to be able to remain silent or say words of approval in an awkward moment, this is what matters. Too much criticism leads to the destruction of all the right things in a relationship.
The division into “your” and “mine.”
When two people begin to live together, their destinies unite. Of course, each spouse has personal hobbies, friends, work, some goals, but in general, life changes all the same. In marriage, common goals and values come out on top. When spouses begin to maintain a separate budget, they calculate who, how much and to whom they owe, this soon leads to the collapse of relations. In marriage, it is impossible to lead a life, relying only on your own needs. Your marriage problems are never “his” or “her” problems. They should always be “our.” When we begin to divide our duties, goals, dreams, money, time and problems into separate categories instead of owning all of them, we practice divorce, rather than creating a strong marriage. Separation is a section of everything. Marriage is sharing everything. Stop the division and start sharing. Try to listen to what is essential for your soulmate. Consider his opinion and interests. In this case, the relationship will be solid.
Quite often, people put their wedding on a certain stop-pause when children appear. Of course, all the attention of the husband and wife is focused on the new family member. But, it is essential to still not forget about the relationship between spouses. Children grow up, gradually become independent and are separated from their parents. Spouses are eventually freed from the need to care about the child and understand with horror that now nothing binds them together anymore.
You should not concentrate all your life only on a child, because the best that parents can give to their children is an example of a caring and loving family, where mom and dad love and respect each other. Thanks to such a healthy marriage model, you will be able to raise children who will have the correct expectations regarding marriage.
Listen to feelings only
Being led by your beliefs is not always the right decision. Such blind obedience to feelings can destroy even a long-lasting marriage. For example, during periods of crises and conflicts, a one-minute attraction can provoke a person to commit adultery. Therefore, it is also essential to connect the mind, think over everything that will happen next, and if you do not give up to emotions, this will save the marriage.
Do not make joint decisions
A healthy marriage is primarily a relationship that is based on the joint activities of two loving people. Therefore, when on the path of life there is a need to take any serious decision, it is essential to bring it together with your spouse. Neglecting the views of the second half will show disrespect for him and will undoubtedly offend. Therefore, do not make decisions in the heat of the moment, relying only on your personal experience. First, you need to ask what your loved one thinks about it.
Always try to change each other
One of the most popular mistakes in marriage is the constant desire to change the partner to please yourself. You need to understand once, and for all, you can only change yourself, and a loved one can be changed if he wants it. Attempts to “bend” a loved one, to force him to do something that is not characteristic of him, to tune under your ideal, usually do not lead to anything good.
Discussion of a retreat plan
When spouses periodically begin to discuss what and how they will do if they decide to divorce, this will ultimately lead to the divorce process. Discussion of a possible retreat plan means that the initiator of such conversations already doubts in marriage, such conversations negatively affect matrimonial life, ruin everything from within, raise doubts and suspicions.
Envy and recall insults
In marriage, there can be no place for envy. With this, many couples sin, for example, when one spouse begins to take shape more and more successfully along the career ladder, the partner starts to feel envy shots, to think that he is out of work. As a result, such envy translates into alienation. Not the best moment is considered to be the constant use of counter-arguments and the recall of past grievances in the current clarifications of relations. Learn to be happy for your loved one in moments when he has something going well in life.
Comparison with someone else’s life
Attempting to continually compare your own family life with the characters of your favorite series or novel usually does not lead to anything good. Nor should you examine your loved one with someone else’s husband, whom your friend so eloquently praises. No matter who and what says about his or her partner, all that matters is how you live and build relationships with your loved one. Listen to your mind and heart, do not chase the fictional ideal because it just does not exist. Each person has not only advantages but also disadvantages, learn to accept your chosen one as he is.
Of course, every person is an egoist in his soul, and he tries to direct his activities towards improving his own life. But when two people start living together, they cannot do everything to please themselves. When we love someone, we try to push aside our pride, to put the needs and specific interests of our beloved above our own.
Two spouses enter into marriage voluntarily. They decide to live together. In addition to love, respect must be present in a marriage. Quite often, it turns out that at the moment when love passes, each person in a pair begins to drag the blanket over himself, trying to do everything to satisfy his interests. It is necessary to learn to act disinterestedly towards your loved one, to do something not only to please yourself. Otherwise, family life will be destroyed at its very foundation.
Also, it is terrible to solve the problem alone instead of taking it together as a team. As well as trying to fix each other instead of trying to understand each other. If the views or beliefs of the spouses are different from yours, this does not mean that he or she is wrong. You don’t always have the same ideas. Marriage is unity, not monotony. Being united in your dedication to each other does not always mean that you share the same view of everything. Your differences make you stronger when you learn from each other and try to see the world from a unique perspective of each other. Do not try to fix your spouse or convince them that your method is better. Better seek to learn something from them and show respect for them, which they need and deserve.
The family is a home in which everyone should be warm and comfortable. Its foundation is mutual love, respect for each other and peace of mind.
For the marriage not to collapse, we must not be allowed to insult, humiliate each other, put ourselves above your spouse. And in a happy union, an atmosphere of trust, kindness, and tolerance should reign. Only the wisest, patient, and intelligent woman will cope with all this. Of course, with the support of a loving man who is ready to go this thorny path with his second half.